I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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