Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
