It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
