Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
