So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
