You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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