i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
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