so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
