i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
