I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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