Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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