i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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