i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
