Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize