At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
