Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I supernannyed him into submission
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
