3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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