got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
