I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
