i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He did a backflip because drugs
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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