1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
