How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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