Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
