Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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