Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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