remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
