Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
