you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
