You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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