Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
