now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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