i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize