So drunk its hurt
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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