I'm lost and stupid without you.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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