my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
