I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
