she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
