I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
