walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
