I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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