you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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