Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
