you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
