You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We just shotgunned beers for America
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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