We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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