dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
