I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
