i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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