i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize