Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
