I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
