I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
