Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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