Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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