So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
