and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
