What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
