Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize