When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dear god my vagina.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
