let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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