oh god the rape fog is back!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The best revenge is premature balding
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
