So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
