i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
