I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
