U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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