he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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