I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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