Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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