my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
