Barsexuality is the new black.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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