I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
