He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I am midnight drunk by noon
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
