Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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