how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize