Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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