Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
