I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
