I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize