New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
