So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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