All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize