Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
