i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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