then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She told me I should be a condom model.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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