Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
