you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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