my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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